are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wear drunk well.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
