I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
