Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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