dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
