summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
