i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
