thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
