did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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