even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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