She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He felt like a one man threesome
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
