vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
