im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
