Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
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