Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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