U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
