Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
