Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
