Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
