we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
