Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
