That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
