You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
