i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
