ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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