True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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