Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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