i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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