I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
