benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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