they need to just BURY HIM!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
did you just send me my own nude
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
