And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
