Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
