ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
