was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
