I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
