I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
