Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
