Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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