i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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