this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
