The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
