So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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