i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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