You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
