I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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