Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
