just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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