Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
