Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
