dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
